Lesson 3 - people you like
Homework
Do Metta everyday (20 - 30 minutes):
Try to connect to the subtle body.
Metta on the benefactor
Metta on yourself
Metta on people you like
Make sure to:
Work with the difficult. If you need any inspiration, re-listen "Heart Work" by Rob Burbea.
Play with the fun stuff.
Gratitude + needs practice:
3 after the Metta
1 for you gratitude buddy
Working with the difficult
A couple of moves from "Heart Work" by Rob Burbea. Again, really worthwhile to re-listen.
Move | Description of the move |
Foot on the accelerator pedal | We can back off practice when it just feels too much. Just stop and open our eyes, do something else, whatever. We are in control if it really feels like too much. |
Half-smile | |
Leaning into the loveliness | When there is fear and loveliness at the same time, the emphasis naturally moves to the fear. See if you can let the fear just be there—not ignoring it, not pushing it away, not denying. And at the same time, see if you can lean over into the loveliness. |
Exploring emotions | In the beginning emotions might be classified in very big groups. See if you can investigate, trying to get more subtle. So, instead of being "sad", maybe you're being touched and moved. |
Exploring reactions | When difficulty comes up, how do you react? Do I judge it? Do I dismiss it? Am I overwhelmed by it? Do I sink into self-pity? There are many many options. |
Cradling | Difficulty is coming up—sadness, anger, etc. See if you can you cradle it and give it space. Like cradling a baby, holding it, surrounding it in warmth, in kindness, in love? |
Is this helping? | Checking in with yourself, however you're responding, is this actually helping or not? Am I digging a deeper hole, becoming more tight around it, or does it bring ease? |
“It’s okay.” | You might be distracted, there might be difficulty. Just repeating to yourself quietly, “It’s okay.” Internalizing the voice, “It’s okay”, whatever’s going ok, “It’s okay.” Dropping that in in a gentle tone of voice. |
"I am suffering" | Sometimes we're stuck in anger and sadness (or other difficulties), without recognising that we're suffering. See, if you can recognise and meet the suffering in it; having some space and feeling the suffering in it. You can help yourself by saying:
Opening up to the fact there is suffering and allowing this natural response of compassion. |
Shared suffering | When there is difficulty, see if you can think/realise that someone else, somewhere, maybe even right now, is going through something very similar. Opening the heart, realising that you're not alone in this. |
Responding to a child | Imagine a your child coming to you with your difficulties. Imagine the child sharing their difficulties with you. Imagine how would you respond. |
Soften the body | Sometimes just focusing on softening the body, even if it feels like stone and the heart feels like stone, just softening the body around what’s going on; softening the muscles, softening the belly. Over and over again. |
What do you need? | Gently inquire, without judging, without forcing, what is it that’s preventing me from surrounding this with love? From cradling it? From holding it with ease? I can’t seem to access it, what is it that’s maybe preventing me? |
Playing with the fun stuff
Also based on Robs work, he was such an incredible person :)
At some point you start noticing very slight reactions to the sentences in the subtle body. Like throwing a pebble in a pond, where the pebble leaves all these ripples. You sort of get a feeling for when it's working. Very subtle sensations in the body. And from then on, you have something to play with. But even if you don't have this, then you can still start playing around and maybe you will find something.
So this week, see if can tune into the subtle body and play with of the following things:
Sometimes repeating a phrase can help, sometimes it even needs a third time.
The volume in which you say the phrases. Sometimes you might need to say it loud and clear, but sometimes a whisper is needed.
How sparse or dense are the sentences. Sometimes, you can say a sentence and just ride the wish. Ride the underlying intention.
Do I need to say the whole sentence or can I just try a part of it? Maybe just a word like "happy".
Trying to be sensitive how the body reacts to the sentences. Every sentence might bring a slightly different reaction. Try to notice that, try to tune into that. The more subtle you can get, the better.
If you're having nice physical sensations, maybe peace and calm, can you try to send this to the people you're practicing Metta on. Can you imagine sharing it with them, maybe visually or physically.
Feel free to add or replace a sentence. You have been doing a gratitude practice for the past weeks, maybe there is a need you see coming back over-and-over again. "May you be connected with others.", "May you have a sense of purpose"
Experiment with these things and see if there is something that helps. Some things might help more often, but every session is different. Be open to that, be flexible and keep playing.
And always, if there is something enjoyable, make sure to include it. This doesn't come naturally, there is this tendency to always emphasise the difficulty.
Subtle body:
There is another very nice recording by Rob Burbea on the subtle body, this time during a Jhana retreat. You can find the recording below. The instructions start at 02:30. The guided meditation starts at 12:20.
I have also summarised three options below:
Option 1: Tuning into the subtle body using the long breath
This variant can be really nice if you're a little bit sleepy and need some more energy and focus.
Beginning (a couple of minutes):
Stretching attention out over the whole body, maybe even slightly larger. After a while your attention will shrink, and then you will have to make it bigger. This is something you will have to do over and over again.
Breathing through the nose with the longest possible breath that is still comfortable. We don't want the deepest possible breath, it just has to be very long and comfortable.
Noticing how the breath affects the whole body. Maybe you can feel the body grow and shrink with every in and out breath. Maybe you feel more energised with the in-breath and relaxed with every out-breath.
Tuning into anything that is comfortable.
Transitioning:
Stretching attention out over the whole body, maybe even slightly larger.
Then see if you can imagine the breath coming into the body through the solar plexus. And that the in-breath is spreading through the whole body like some sort of energy. And when you imagine this, see if you can make this a tactile imagination.
Then see if you can change the longest breath to a shorter breath, or the most comfortable breath. Just play around with it, to support the spreading of this energy. Whatever seems to work best.
Tuning into anything that is comfortable.
Playing around:
Stretching attention out over the whole body, maybe even slightly larger.
Feel free to try different places. Maybe imagine breathing in through the crown of the head and spreading the energy from there. Some people like to use the chakras, whatever works for you. If you want to stay at the solar plexus, that is also fine.
Feel free to try different breaths. Long breath, normal breath, short breath. Whatever helps to spread to energy and opens up the whole subtle body.
And if anything is comfortable, don't forget to tune into this.
Option 2: Tuning into the subtle body by expanding outwards
Expanding:
During this whole meditation you only try to connect with anything that seems to be breath related, with an emphasis on comfort. You start at the belly and slowly expand outwards from there.
I do it in the following way, but you can make your own way. Just pick an area close to where you are: stomach, chest, shoulders, arms and hands, breath around the nose, the face, the whole head, the upper back, the lower back and the legs and the feet.
After a while, when you have included a lot of body parts, you start noticing you can't hold it all in the mind. This is an opportunity to start searching for a common quality they all have, which is the subtle body. See if you can make the switch.
Whole body breath:
When you end up at the whole body, make sure that your attention covers the whole body.
Noticing how the breath affects the whole body. Maybe you can feel the body grow and shrink with every in and out breath. Maybe you feel more energised with the in-breath and relaxed with every out-breath.
Tuning into anything that is comfortable.
Option 3: Tuning into the subtle body using the 7 point relaxation
This one is really nice if you need a more relaxed entry into the subtle body. It is basically a body scan going through the following spaces:
the top of the head
the face
the shoulders
the arms and the hands
the chest and the upper back
the belly and the lower back
the legs and the feet
When you arrive at a spot you do the following 3 things:
Notice all the sensations there, without changing anything. If your face is frowning, try that feels. If your shoulders are hunched upwards, notice how they are there.
Relax the part with every out-breath. You can let go of the tension, but sometimes it needs a little bit of help. Feel free to wiggle the shoulders around if that is needed.
Connect with any comfort or ease that comes with relaxing the part. Really trying to notice all the comfortable sensations, however subtle.
After you have have scanned the whole body, see if you can connect with the whole subtle body:
Attention covering the whole body.
Noticing how the breath affects the whole body. Maybe you can feel the body grow and shrink with every in and out breath. Maybe you feel more energised with the in-breath and relaxed with every out-breath.
Tuning into anything that is comfortable.
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